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    Everything Happens for a Reason

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    Purple
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    Everything Happens for a Reason

    Post by Purple on December 12th 2013, 11:16 pm

    A short synopsis;

    Antonio Hernandez is the ideal guy. 17, good looking, perfect grades, a great athlete, what else? The story changes when 6 girls enter his life.

    Artemis Tyutyunnik, 16, is a girl from Russia. A skilled girl, at 6 years old she won first place in the Nationals for piano playing. Loves to draw manga and is an avid otaku.

    Angel "Nightmare" Alan, 15, a girl from Turkish and Ukrainian origin. Was unfortunately caught in an explosion, but miraculously survived. Has few stitches on her upper waist and face, which is what gave her the nickname "Nightmare". Random and adorable, she LOVES sharp things. She's also Artemis's best friend and fellow otaku.

    Vanessa Malpica, 16, Mexican. From a bird's eye view, she's a kind and beautiful girl, but this is proven to be an act, as she CAN and WILL get her way at any point. Vicious once angered, she's also a very good singer and is interested in the Japanese culture. Antonio has a crush on her.

    Irene Baldivino, 15, Mexican and Asian. A fierce girl, she loves anime and even started her own webmanga that she works on. She's also a fujoshi, a girl who loves boys love. Not so good at school, she's a great friend to rely on.

    Trinity Madera, 16, Mexican origin. Doesn't like the otaku culture and strives to become the class president. Has a crush on Antonio but the feeling isn't mutual. She's great at school and can play sports, she's usually cold to everyone but will warm up once they're close.

    Penny Vance, 17, she's a typical American. The term "emo" describes her, and she is very pessimistic. She's a closeted otaku, but only tells her closest friends about it. She'll inflict pain onto herself once in a while, but her friends quickly stop her.

    Once these girls meet Antonio, his life is changed completely. But everything happens for a reason. It's only natural, right?

    (Okay, not very short. Hoping to see if anyone's interested in this story, the first chapter will be posted if people show interest.)


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    Cherry Coke
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    Re: Everything Happens for a Reason

    Post by Cherry Coke on December 12th 2013, 11:27 pm

    wow such story
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    Purple
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    Re: Everything Happens for a Reason

    Post by Purple on December 12th 2013, 11:32 pm

    I WOULD ALSO LIKE GOOD OPINIONS AND NO SPAMMY POSTS PLEASE AND THANK YOU


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    Re: Everything Happens for a Reason

    Post by Headstrong on December 12th 2013, 11:44 pm

    0/10 moe

    But in all seriousness, it looks pretty well laid-out for a story. However, if it's going to play out like a typical moe anime would, then I wouldn't bother. If it has a somewhat unique story line, then I'd give it a chance.


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    Purple
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    Re: Everything Happens for a Reason

    Post by Purple on December 12th 2013, 11:47 pm

    The thing is it's based off real life (somewhat) but I kinda wanted the whole "harem" feeling.

    In fact, it's actually based off characters my friends and I are working on, I'm just posting a little......unique story. Heheh.


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    Cherry Coke
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    Re: Everything Happens for a Reason

    Post by Cherry Coke on December 13th 2013, 5:47 pm

    pls write this story now it looks pretty great friend and looks like it will work out well
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    Re: Everything Happens for a Reason

    Post by Purple on December 15th 2013, 3:27 am

    Chapter 1

    *splat*

    A stain of blood had covered the entire window, a female corpse laying dead next to it. Undoubtedly murdered, the killer had ran to find the next person.

    A scream.

    Another dead body.

    Hung, shredded, crushed, stabbed, the killer showed no mercy. On and on the killer had killed people until there were only 2 people left in the house; the killer itself included.

    "No...no....oh god, why..." A boy was sobbing over another girl's body. The killer had incapacitated her. He had seen every other dead body, even knew them, but this one was just heartbreaking.

    Antonio...

    Rushing into the room, the killer held up it's axe and raised it above his head.

    Antonio.

    "Why.....why did you do this....how could y-"

    ANTONIO!

    *splat*


    ------------------------------------------

    *smack*

    "Antonio, wake up!" A little girl had been shouting at the drowsy boy for at least 3 minutes.

    "God, what?!"

    "It's time for school!" The girl, Karina, ran downstairs and pulled out the box of cereal specially reserved for her.

    Antonio looked at the clock. 7:30... He had half an hour.

    Stretching his arms out with a yawn, he got out of bed and walked over to the bathroom. Brushing his teeth, doing his hair, he did everything a normal person did. And he was perfectly normal.

    Getting dressed and grabbing his backpack, he headed downstairs and grabbed a piece of toast his mother had made. Putting it in his mouth, he rushed outside with a quick "see ya".

    Gobbling down the piece of toast, he made his way towards the school, meeting up with friends before homeroom.

    "Ey man, did you hear what happened at the game last night?"

    "Ooh kill em!"

    "You did not just do that."

    A typical day, he walked the halls to met his best friend-since-elementary, Andy, outside his locker. "Double As" they were always called, as lame as the nickname sounded. That was, of course, before he bumped into a girl that was eerily familiarly.

    As in, she was the girl who had her head chopped off in his dream.

    The girl dropped her books and Antonio rushed to pick them for her. Giving them to her, they made eye contact.

    "H-Hi....Sorry about that." Antonio said with one of his signature shrugs. The girl giggled.

    "It's alright. Thanks for the help." She scurried off. There was something about her that just made Antonio feel....weird. It's like a mixture of fear and....and....love?

    He shook off the thought and headed towards his locker, where his friend Andy was waiting.

    ------------------------------------------

    Wow, I double space way too much, xD Anyways, thoughts?


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    Oswin
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    Re: Everything Happens for a Reason

    Post by Oswin on December 15th 2013, 7:01 pm

    Sounds a bit like poetry because of all the double spacing, minus the huge amount of imagery. The opening's good, which is what you want if you want more readers. Although I'm not too fond of the telling-not-showing part of the story. Erm, let me grab an example...

    Purple wrote:
    "No...no....oh god, why..." A boy was sobbing over another girl's body. The killer had incapacitated her.

    Now let's compare that to something like... this.

    A little boy kneeled over what seemed to be a female's body, devoid of life. The tears rolled down the boy's cheeks; no trying to be tough, not even a mask to hide behind. Just pure sorrow in the form of liquid.

    They're about the same thing, but which one sounds better? How good your writing is depends on how you word a scene.

    Uh, what else? How you described Antonio in the synopsis reminds me of a Mary Sue; not... good unless you plan on giving him an obstacle to deal with that is far beyond his abilities. As for his encounter with his female killer, (this is only my opinion; others like immediate implying of a love-at-first-sight, others don't) it would be better if Antonio got to know her better before he would be able to discern his romantic emotions towards this girl.

    Other than that, just some grammar errors (you'll have to consult somebody else, grammar fixes REALLY aren't my field) like was [verb + ing] and the word familiarly (it's familiar).


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    Cherry Coke
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    Re: Everything Happens for a Reason

    Post by Cherry Coke on December 26th 2013, 2:33 pm

    pls write more this story needs more story to it

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